I am grumpy about the word “porn”. On the old blog, my most googled post was entitled “Martha Stewart and Porn”. It got, like ten times the hits of all the other posts combined.
I am sure this led to many disappointed googlers.
This morning, as the #metoo hashtag trends on social media, I message a friend of mine who has been wrestling with the experience of an attempted rape by a professor, to check in. I'm wondering if all the stories on Facebook will be triggering.
He is okay.
Read MoreWhen I fly in planes, I like to spend the whole time staring out the window with my mouth hanging open like "I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM SEEING CLOUDS FROM THE TOP!!!".
This annoys other passengers a great deal. Particularly if I am not in the window seat. Because some people have no spiritual imagination and do not understand that the price of seeing the miracles surrounding you is that sometimes someone's t-shirt ends up dipping itself in someone else's coffee.
Read MoreEric: How do you open these stupid bottles?
Anthony: It's easy!
Eric: No it's not, it's--... Mom. WHY are you laughing?
Me: You are clearly getting too old to open childproof bottles. This is one of the rules of the Universe. Ask your brother to help you. He is young enough to be able to do it. See how he is hopping up and down yelling "me try me try me try"?
Eric: Anthony? Do you really know how to open these?
Anthony: AbsoLUTEly. What I do is, I throw them really hard at the floor.
1) There is deep wisdom to be found in the cycles of nature.
2) Pinterest is full of DIRTY ROTTEN LYING LIARPANTSES.
3) Sunflowers are scary. They grow so creepy fast that you start to worry that they are not real plants, and they are ALWAYS SMILING REALLY WIDE. If Sunflowers were people, they would trend on Instagram and make us all hate our own lives before crashing in a heap of exhaustion from blowing over in the wind from being so tall before they are ready.
Read MoreWhen there is a shooting, I don’t have any of the responses you are supposed to have. As the stories run their predictable sequence—tragedy, response, critique of response, collective scouring for hope…. I feel removed from all of it. I am not watching that story. I’ve seen it before, and I know how it ends.
I am watching for the story of the mother.
Read MoreDear new guy in aerobics class,
I see you way at the back, cheeks red with humiliation, occasionally wincing into the mirror when you catch sight of yourself. Trying desperately to follow the perfectly synchronized flailing of limbs that is the rest of the class.
Read MoreYesterday, I was sitting on the balcony, staring down at the Meewasin river valley. My favourite place on earth. As I was walking, a group of kids passed below me. Half of them in bright orange shirts--sports, I assumed. They spilled out over the Meewasin like weeds, except not weeds because the Meewasin is a nature preserve so there's no such thing as a weed there.
Read MoreThe hardest part about preaching, for me, is learning to speak slowly. I have been told it is a bad idea to cram everything I have to say into one sermon because for heaven's sake what if I succeed?
Since I prefer to speak so quickly you can't absorb a word I say, this is not generally a problem.
Read MoreWithout darkness, nothing comes to birth. -May Sarton
I would add: Without enough blood to pass for a murder scene, nothing comes to birth.
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