Eric: And the other elective I will take next year is food safety. I will get a certificate!
Me: No. I forbid it.
Me: You and I both know that if you get a food safety certificate, you will follow me around the kitchen offering helpful tips and I do NOT WANT HELPFUL TIPS.
One time, they taught him about sodium in health class and then he followed me around for TWO MONTHS reading the labels and helpfully counting my sodium intake for me. You know what is a buzz kill at parties? Someone offering sodium intake updates, and asking who wants to use our home breathalyzer.
Actually, the home breathalyzer is a hit. Who isn't curious about their blood alcohol level?
Eric: No offence mom, but it’s kinda my decision which electives I take.
Me: I am calling the office and telling them that you can’t take food safety class, because it is against your religion as a Unitarian.
Eric: Go ahead. I will just tell them to google Unitarian.
Me: I am confident that they will not understand whatever explanation pops up.
Eric <laughing>: Fair point.
Me: I win.
Eric: Except, I am one step ahead of you, because I already explained Unitarianism to my whole French class.
Me: What? Why?
Eric: They asked.
Me <raises eyebrows>
Eric: When Fulgence was visiting, to explain about why he was in prison and how he we got him out. They asked him what Unitarianism is, and he gave me a chance to answer.
Me: What was your definition?
Eric: I said “people are accepted whatever they believe so long as they aren’t jerks”.
Eric: Actually, I said “so long as they aren’t jerks too much."
Me: That’s pretty good.
Eric: Yup. Fulgence agreed with it, and he's a Minister, so I figure that means it's accurate.
I was going to explain to him how Ministerial Authority actually works given our commitment to freedom of the pulpit and congregational polity... But I did not, because I was already thinking this would be a good conversation to post about, and I did not want to boring it up.
Liked this post? Try another Groot-James family humour post... The Holiday Dildo Story
More UU humour? Try this one, in which my children attempt to create their own religion, or this one, in which I undergo the rigorous psychological evaluation at the beginning of the seminarian process...